It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
