That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
