Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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