i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she peed on how many people?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
