Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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