I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
