idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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