is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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