He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
