this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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