So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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