I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
