Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
