Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
