I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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