yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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