I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
