Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
