I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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