i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
