You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
