shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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