just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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