I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
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