He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
