I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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