Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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