Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
