Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
