Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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