he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everyone says I win the strip club
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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