Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
