And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
