thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
