I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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