Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
