And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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