this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Houston, we have a squirter
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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