Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
