how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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