No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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