WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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