hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
