I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The best revenge is premature balding
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
