Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
