when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
