This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
