If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you bring me the toilet please
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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