my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
