We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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