bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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