Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
