This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
