We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
