So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
