it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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