this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
