How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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