I cockslap morals
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
